Why Can't We
by Chiharu Octavia
Summary: COMPLETE! Chapter 5 up! Cowritten by Isachan! We know Yuki and Kyou don't get along, but do you really know why? Is there any way they can heal a hurt this deep?
1. Prologue

PROLOGUE  
  
It was the last summer before high school. Yuki sat under the tree, reading. Sunlight fell through the leaves, making dappled patterns on his head, and the summer breeze played with his grey hair, pushing it into his eyes. He pushed it back absently, not paying much attention. His concentration was on the required-reading book, but barely. He was waiting.  
  
Suddenly, leaves rustled to his left, and his head shot up, violet eyes bright and eager. He slammed the book shut, a blade of grass marking the page, and scrambled to his feet.  
  
The noise slowed, then stopped. Yuki was on edge. He took a step forward, patience giving out. "Hello? Are you there?"  
  
A twig snapped, and a familiar laugh rang out. "Of course I'm here, baka." Kyou stepped out from behind the tree, smirking, and Yuki grinned.  
  
"I wasn't sure it was you," he said.  
  
Kyou snorted, tossing his orange head. "Who else would it be? And if you didn't think it was me, you shouldn't have said, 'are you there.' You say, 'Is anyone there?' You're not supposed to know."  
  
"Oh, right." The nezumi nodded, the happy smile still on his face. Kyou closed the gap between them, reaching out to ruffle his cousin's hair.  
  
"You're a dork. What're you so excited for?"  
  
"Because I get to see you," Yuki said simply, putting his arm around Kyou's waist. "And I get to be close to you." He tilted his head up a bit, peering at the neko. Kyou was just a tad taller than Yuki, the perfect size for fitting his arm around Yuki's shoulders – which he did. "Aren't you excited, too?"  
  
"I guess so," the other said, teasing. He started strolling between the tall tree trunks, keeping a good grip on Yuki's shoulders. He enjoyed the feeling of Yuki's body against his own. "But then, I'm always happy to see you. And I have an idea for today."  
  
One of them always had an idea. They only got to meet every once in a while, so they had lots of time to plan things to do. Sometimes it was Yuki's turn to come up with something, but this time it was Kyou's.  
  
Yuki leaned into him, interested. "Okay. What? Is it hard?"  
  
"Mmm... sort of. But it will make things easier later on."  
  
"Make things easier?" Yuki's brow furrowed, one knuckle going to his mouth as he thought. "Easier... what things? Is it a scavenger hunt?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Are we building something?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
Yuki made an exasperated noise, thumping Kyou with his book. "Then what is it? Just tell me!"  
  
Kyou caught the hand that held the book and pulled it forward, dragging Yuki off-balance. The nezumi gasped, planting his free hand against Kyou's chest, but before he could utter another word Kyou's mouth was on his. The kiss a delicious shock, a hot current that ran all the way down to his toes. Yuki made a soft noise, his fingers curling into Kyou's shirt as he melted against his cousin, deepening the kiss with a determined flick of his tongue.  
  
When at last they broke away, Yuki was breathing hard, and Kyou's face was flushed. The shadows of the leaves overhead swayed in the breeze, and birds called to each other. "Kyou..." The sound of a door sliding open could be heard faintly, and Yuki froze.  
  
"Kyou," he whispered, cheeks suddenly gone pale. "I think we're too close to the house."  
  
"No, we're not." Kyou turned, still pulling Yuki by the wrist, and looked back over his shoulder. Bushes and trees went right up to the property line of the Honke, but there was a gap in the tall trunks that showed the house clearly.  
  
Yuki's eyes flew to Kyou's, frightened. "Yes, we are! They might've seen us! Quick, let's go, before someone comes --!"  
  
"Wait!" Kyou didn't move, still clutched Yuki's quivering form. There was something burning in his expression, something urgent about his voice. "It's okay. This is my idea, Yuki. They need to know eventually – why not now? Aren't you tired of waiting weeks to see each other like this? Aren't you sick of hiding? I am."  
  
Yuki's eyes showed white, panic slowly filtering into his system. He dug his heels into the soft earth, pushing against his cousin. "No, I'm not! We can't let them see, they can't know!"  
  
Kyou let him put space between them, but he wouldn't let go of Yuki's wrist. "Why not? We're both thirteen. That's more than old enough to know what we're doing. We've been through a lot so far, and we can do this, too. Besides – I want them to know! Damn it, Yuki, I love you!"  
  
Yuki turned beet red, stunned. They'd never said that to each other. He knew Kyou loved him, but to say it now, for this --! "No..."  
  
"Yes. Let's tell. We have to. Come here, we'll do it together."  
  
Yuki shook his head, swiveling it frantically as he scanned the tree line, desperately afraid someone would see them. "We can't! Kyou, please! Let go of me!" He yanked at his arm, but it didn't budge. Kyou had it securely clamped in his calloused fingers, and his grip was strong.  
  
"Why're you fighting me on this, Yuki? Don't you want us to be together –"  
  
"I don't care!" Yuki leaned back and twisted his arm sharply, breaking Kyou's hold at last. He fell back, cradling his sore arm to his chest, begging his cousin to reconsider. "We can't, Kyou, don't you get that? We don't have a chance! Akito –"  
  
"He won't care, Yun-chan." Kyou reached for Yuki, his voice soft. "He won't do anything –"  
  
The rat jumped back, stumbling, as if Kyou's touch was death. "Yes, he will! He hates me! He hates *you*! Look what he did to Hatori!" A sob escaped him, and tears suddenly spilled down his cheeks. "You can't tell, you just can't! I won't let you!"  
  
"We can't hide forever!" Kyou snapped. "When are we going to tell then? When we're eighty?"  
  
"We don't need to tell! Everything's fine!"  
  
Anger surged through Kyou, balling his hands into fists. "It's not fine! You might be too scared to say something, but I'm not! I'm not scared of Akito! I'm going to tell right now!"  
  
"NO!" Both of them stopped, stunned by the shout. Yuki looked more surprised than Kyou, his face white. They stood in silence, staring at each other, both trembling with emotion.  
  
Yuki bit down on his tongue, almost drawing blood. Kyou didn't understand. If they told Akito, they would both die. Akito hated, *hated* the cat. If he found out that his precious mouse-child was in love with the animal he thought of as a monster, he would kill them both. But that was the whole point: he couldn't find out. Yuki had to keep Kyou safe, even from himself. And the only way to do that was to keep Kyou from trying.  
  
Steeling himself, Yuki looked his lover in the eye, letting the cool façade he'd learned from Akito fall into place. "I... I can't do this any more. I can't pretend. Kyou... I don't want to tell because it's pointless. I don't want to see you anymore. I – I don't love you."  
  
"What?" Kyou looked like he'd been slapped. "Don't joke, Yuki. You don't mean that."  
  
He bit his tongue again, the pain keeping him on track. "I do. I've got high school next year. I have to think of the future. I can't spend time messing around." There was movement in the corner of his eye, freezing his blood, and he glanced over Kyou's shoulder at the house. Someone was standing on the porch, watching them. "This... thing we have. It doesn't have a future. It's irresponsible, and childish. I'm too old for your games. From now on –"His throat threatened to close, but he choked out the words before it could. "—I want you to stay away from me."  
  
"You're lying," Kyou said quickly. "You can't –"  
  
"I'm not lying." Yuki wanted to curl in on himself. His stomach hurt so much, and there was a sharp pain in his chest. He couldn't take that look on Kyou's face, that horrible betrayed look. "I'm not gay like you are. You're a pervert. And I don't want to see you anymore! Just – stay away!"  
  
Agonized, disbelieving, Kyou took another step forward, but it was too much. Like a startled deer, Yuki spun on his heel and darted past Kyou, crashing through the break in the bushes. He fled to the house, his breath burning in his chest as he crossed the manicured lawn. slamming into the porch with a small cry. Tears blinded him, but he wouldn't let them fall. Instead, he clung to the engawa, fingernails digging into the wood as he fought for control. A whispered noise slithered across the engawa, and he looked up. Through the watery curtain he could see white buttoned socks, and a cream kimono. Akito's scent suddenly filled his nose, and thin, birdlike hands cradled his face...  
  
(To be continued...) 


	2. Chapter 1

((Author's Note!! Cooool. Hope you're enjoying the story! Anyways, the reason this note is here is to let you know how I figured Tohru, Yuki, and Kyou had (at this point) been living together for about three and a half months – and to prove I'm not making it up. :P Since I'm gonna mention it, I figured I oughta explain it.  
  
FYI: Japanese students get a month-long break from school in August. School resumes in September. Also, the new school term begins in April.  
  
Now, Kyou went missing soon after he and Yuki's fight, which was during the last two weeks of the month-long summer break (August). We know Kyou was "training" for four months. So, from the middle of August to the middle of December is four months. And we know Kyou showed up around December because New Year's arrived soon after. Tohru and Kyou moved in at the same time, too. Soooo... since it's currently the last week of March, Yuki has lived with Kyou and Tohru for three months! Ta-da!))  
  
CHAPTER 1  
  
Yuki woke slowly to warm sunshine in his eyes and the cold wetness of the tear-soaked pillowcase pressed to his cheek. The angry images in his head faded, and he gradually became aware of the fact that he was no longer dreaming.  
  
"Yuki-kun!" A knock sounded on his door, Tohru's cheerful voice drifting in from the hall. "It's eight o'clock! Get ready, I've got breakfast waiting!"  
  
Her footsteps pattered off down the stairs, and Yuki waited until he couldn't hear her anymore before he sat up, staring blearily at the wall. God, he didn't want to go to school. Before Kyou came to live with them, he'd loved school. It was his only escape from his family life, and the only thing that kept him from thinking about what had happened last summer. Now, though... well, his dreams told the truth. No matter how much he tried to convince himself that he didn't care, the hurt from what he'd done never went away. Every night he cried in his sleep, and every morning he was forced to spend the day with the one person he could never be with. They were even in the same homeroom. If it wasn't for Tohru, he might not've made it this far.  
  
It still wasn't clear why Akito had allowed Tohru to stay, though. In the four horrible months when Kyou disappeared, Akito suddenly became sweetness and light. He didn't yell at anyone, he wasn't sick, and Yuki, Haru, and Momiji were all cleared for Kaibara High. And if that wasn't strange enough, Akito let Yuki live with Shigure, too. For those four months, Yuki honestly thought that Akito might've changed.  
  
He hadn't, of course. The second Kyou came home, everything fell apart. It was too late to undo what he'd done, but Akito made it clear to everyone that he was pissed. No-one saw Hatori or Kureno anymore, and Kyou was commanded to move into Shigure's house. If Akito didn't know what had gone on between Kyou and Yuki, he suspected enough to hurt them where it counted. Kyou had obviously been relocated to torture Yuki... but then why was Tohru here? So that Yuki would survive? Or maybe Akito was hoping that Yuki would fall in love with a girl. Or slip up and get caught with Kyou.  
  
Sighing, he went to the closet, one hand pressed to his forehead. Whatever Akito's reasons, they were giving Yuki a headache. These were the same thoughts that ran through his mind every morning, but no matter how hard he thought about it, it never made sense. He was starting to think he'd developed brain-ruts.  
  
He pulled on his school clothes, washed his face, and went downstairs, sitting at the table without speaking. He could feel Kyou's eyes on him, but it didn't take much to ignore that. He'd perfected the art of gazing into his breakfast and avoiding conversation, letting everyone think he was half asleep.  
  
"Only one week to go!" Tohru beamed at everyone as she joined them, tucking her school skirt underneath her. She looked adorable in her white sailor blouse and braids. "The new school term starts after this week. We'll be sophomores!"  
  
"About time," Kyou said, shoveling rice into his mouth. "Feels like we've been freshmen forever."  
  
"Not undeservedly," Shigure put it. He was in his usual brown yukata, and it looked like he hadn't combed his hair yet. "Some of you take longer than others. Especially you, Kyou-kun. Are you going to get decent grades this semester?"  
  
Kyou bristled, talking around the wad of food in his mouth. "My grades are fine! I pass every class!" There was a pause as he swallowed the mouthful, then sneered. "If you want to complain about grades, complain to Yuki. Mr. Perfect got an 89 on the last test."  
  
"Eighty-nine? Really?" Shigure glanced at Yuki as if about to say something, then shrugged. "Well, Yuki-kun gets 100s the rest of the time, so it'll even out. Everyone needs a break once in a while."  
  
"What?! Why do you always go easy on him?" Kyou shouted, jumping up. He jostled the table, and Tohru's teacup fell over, spilling tea across the polished wooden surface. She squeaked, going to her knees and wiping at the mess with her apron before it could hit the tatami.  
  
"Maa, now look what you've done," Shigure said, clucking his tongue.  
  
Yuki slammed his chopsticks down, irritated beyond belief. Shigure was going "easy" on him because the older man knew what had happened. He'd woken Yuki up from his nightmares more than once in the first month they'd lived together. And as for Kyou, Yuki loved him, but sometimes he was such a crybaby. He acted like he was never to blame for anything he did, and it pissed Yuki off. If Kyou hadn't tried to force Yuki to reveal their relationship that day, then none of this would've ever happened.  
  
"Shut up, baka neko," he snapped. "You're ruining breakfast. If you're a lousy student, that's your fault. Stop making everyone else clean up your messes." So saying, he left his dishes and went to the genkan, grabbing his school bag and slipping his shoes on. He felt bad leaving Tohru like that, but he had to get out of the house. He threw open the door and marched to the road.  
  
"Not so fast!" Kyou yelled, following Yuki out to the path. The rat didn't stop walking, and the cat darted in front of him, red eyes glaring. "Why d'you always have to do that, huh? Why d'you have to make me look bad? Haven't you done enough?"  
  
The familiar pain tightened Yuki's chest, but he didn't let it show. If Kyou thought he had any chance with Yuki at all, he'd keep trying – and Akito would ruin them both. Instead, he shot Kyou an icy look. "You make yourself look bad, idiot. You don't need any help from me."  
  
"Kuso nezumi! You think I look bad? I'll kick your ass!"  
  
In a flash, Kyou threw a kick at Yuki's head. Yuki brought his arm up, blocking easily, and threw his school bag at Kyou's face. The cat shouted in anger and smacked the bag away, but it was too late. Yuki was inside his guard, so close they could have kissed. Kyou got one quick glimpse of his cousin's perfect face before Yuki's foot collided with Kyou's body, slamming the neko into a tree twenty feet away.  
  
"Kyou-kun!" Tohru came flying past Yuki, one of her shoes half off. She ran to Kyou's side, kneeling next to him. "Kyou-kun, are you okay?"  
  
Yuki picked up his bag, dusting it off as he closed the gap between him and Tohru. "He's fine, Honda-san. He just needs to learn some manners." He reached down, offering to help Tohru to her feet, smiling a little. She was really too sweet. She'd seen he and Kyou fight hundreds of times, but she couldn't stop herself from caring about them each and every time. It hurt that Tohru, whom he'd only really known for three and a half months, worried more about the Sohma cousins' relationship than the Sohmas themselves.  
  
She let him pull her to her feet and turned, reaching out a hand to Kyou. The cat was slow in recovering, but he got up without her help, mumbling something about forgetting his homework. Tohru watched him go into the house, playing with her hair thoughtfully.  
  
Yuki nodded down the path, taking a few steps. "Let's go, Honda-san. He'll catch up later. We'll be late, otherwise."  
  
"Mm." Tohru fell into step beside him, wide brown eyes regarding him seriously. "Yuki-kun... don't you think that maybe you and Kyou-kun are a little rough with each other?"  
  
"He starts it. If he doesn't want to fight, he shouldn't try to hit me." It sounded rude, even to him, and he hastened to correct himself. "I can't stand by and let him beat me up, right? I'm sure he'll get the point one day. He can't ever beat me. And if he keeps trying, he's going to keep getting smacked."  
  
Her voice was tentative, but clear. "Hai... it's just... You two fight all the time, but this time... you looked like you kicked him a little hard. Ne, Yuki- kun... maybe you shouldn't fight him at all. You could just tell him no."  
  
"I tried that once. It just made him angrier."  
  
"Oh." They walked a bit, Tohru's nose wrinkled up as the thought. "Then... maybe you could not hit him so hard?"  
  
Yuki shrugged. "He doesn't like it when I go easy on him."  
  
Tohru made a small noise of understanding, and Yuki winced. That had been an incredibly stupid thing to say. He wasn't supposed to care what Kyou liked! Matter of fact, Tohru was right: he shouldn't be fighting Kyou at all. He never instigated the morning battle: that was Kyou's doing. So why on Earth did Yuki keep fighting?  
  
The warm spring breeze ruffled his hair, and he hugged his bag to his aching chest on the pretext of cleaning it, his shoulders tight. He liked Tohru a lot, and he wanted desperately to be able to share his feelings with her. Honestly, she was his best friend. But there were just too many things that had to be kept secret. He had to hold back. He was protecting Kyou from Akito, and besides... there was no way he could tell her the truth: that if he didn't argue with Kyou, he'd have to stop fighting with him, too. And fighting was the only way he got to touch him. 


	3. Chapter 2

((AN: Wow, thanks for all the reviews, everyone! You make me so happy! *sob* So someone thought that last line was a little sappy, huh? Er, well, I'll work on being a little better, but in shonen-ai, it tends to get really fluffy! Anyhoo, I'll try to improve everything! Thanks again for all the pointers, and I hope you like the next chapter. ^-^))  
  
CHAPTER 2  
  
The school break seemed to arrive faster than usual, and everyone took advantage of it. Shigure went away to one of his "writer's conferences," which Kyou was beginning to suspect were just excuses to visit a hot spring, and Tohru insisted on having an "end-of-the-school-term" dinner. They went to the store after class, picking out favorite ingredients, and carried it all home for Tohru to work her culinary magic.  
  
"So!" she said as they sat down to dinner, a big smile on her face and a glass of juice in her upraised hand. "We're sophomores now! We should toast!"  
  
Kyou looked at her, blinking. "Should we?"  
  
"Yes! Umm... to us! For being sophomores! May we do our best in the new school year!" She thrust the cup out over the table, beaming. "Kanpai!"  
  
"Kanpai," Kyou and Yuki repeated, clinking their glasses against hers. The juice was perfect for a hot evening, a smooth blend of mango and pineapple, and Kyou finished the whole glass before setting it back down, exhaling happily. Both Yuki and Tohru were staring at him, and he glared at Tohru, purposely ignoring the rat. "What? Can't a guy be thirsty?"  
  
She looked startled, then laughed. "Hai, Kyou-kun. Gambatte, ne?" She lifted the pitcher of juice from the tray beside her on the floor, holding a towel to the bottom to catch the condensation that rolled off of it. "It is rather warm. But that just reminds me – did you know that tomorrow there's a festival? For springtime! Or maybe just because school is out. But I was thinking..."  
  
And she chattered away, a social butterfly, filling in the silence that would've taken up the table if she hadn't been there. Kyou let her absorb his attention as if she was the most fascinating person in the world, giving conversation as good as he got. He knew Yuki was watching, he could sense it, but he didn't look once in the rat's direction. Even though Yuki sat at the same table, he wasn't part of the conversation, and Kyou took a vicious joy in making sure he stayed out of it. Instead, that side of the table grew more still, and more sullen, until finally the rat got the point and stood up.  
  
Tohru broke off in the middle of the sentence, surprised. "Yuki-kun? Are you finished already?"  
  
Yuki nodded curtly, stacking his dishes. "Gochisouama. Thank you."  
  
"But are you sure? It doesn't look like you ate very much –"  
  
"I'm fine, Honda-san." Kyou didn't bother to look up, but he heard the change in Yuki's voice. Neither of them liked being rude to Tohru. They both hated each other, but if there was one thing they agreed on, it was that Tohru was someone to be treated kindly. "I just have a headache. I'm going to lie down for a while."  
  
Tohru looked a little disappointed, but more worried. "Oh... I'm sorry, Yuki- kun. I hope you feel better."  
  
"Thank you. Oyasumi."  
  
"Oyasumi."  
  
Kyou was watching Tohru's face, his back to the rat as Yuki left the room. Her eyes lingered on the stairs even after Yuki had gone, thoughtful, then flicked back to Kyou as if she just noticed his watching her. "Ah! Sumimasen. I didn't mean to –"  
  
"He'll be fine," Kyou said quickly, unknowingly echoing what Yuki had said earlier that week.  
  
"Hai..." She glanced down at the table, smiling faintly. "It looks like my dinner was a success, if I judge by your plate, Kyou-kun."  
  
Kyou's plate was as clean as if he'd vacuumed it. He colored slightly. "Eating all of it means it was good! That should make you happy!"  
  
Tohru giggled. "I am happy. I'd better clean up, though."  
  
"I'll help." Kyou got up from the table and collected the plates while Tohru went into the kitchen to run the dishwater. He brought the dishes into the kitchen and set them on the counter, grabbing a dishtowel.  
  
"Kyou-kun," Tohru said as she lowered the plates into the soapy water, "can I ask you a question?"  
  
"I guess. Sure."  
  
"You don't have to answer it if you don't want to."  
  
He looked at her, suspicious, but shrugged. "So ask."  
  
She washed for a second, then handed him a plate. "You and Yuki-kun... sometimes I think..." She laughed, shaking her head. "Never mind."  
  
"No, what?" He dried the plate, putting it aside. "What do you think?"  
  
"It's silly."  
  
"Just tell me, already!"  
  
She smiled, putting a wet hand up. "Okay! Ano... you and Yuki-kun... you used to be close, didn't you?"  
  
Kyou was glad he'd put the plate down, otherwise he would've dropped it. He looked away, leaning against the counter and studiously drying his hands. "What do you mean? We're not close."  
  
"No, not now. But you used to be."  
  
"Why would you think something dumb like that?"  
  
She looked down into the mountain of suds, swishing more plates clean and stacking them in the other half of the sink. "Because of the way you look at each other. Most of the time it's just angry, but sometimes... you look sad. Did something happen between you two?"  
  
Kyou was silent, and Tohru's cheeks suddenly turned pink. "A-ano, not that it's any of my business. Sumimasen, Kyou-kun, I shouldn't have –"  
  
"It was a while ago." The dishtowel was stretched taut in Kyou's hands, and he was slowly twisting it. He couldn't look at her. Something about Tohru was so genuine, so trustworthy; he loved that about her. After living with so many lies, her honesty was like a breath of fresh air. He respected her for that, and he couldn't repay her by denying what she'd said. "We... used to be friends."  
  
"Oh, Kyou-kun..." Tohru hastily wiped her hands on her apron and grasped Kyou's, her fingers still warm from the water. "Maybe you can still be friends. Have you tried to talk to Yuki lately?"  
  
Kyou laughed humorlessly, shaking his head. "Forget it. We don't talk anymore, and anyway, it's better this way."  
  
She pressed his hands between hers. "But maybe if you tried," she said earnestly, "it might help. Maybe he doesn't know what to do, either."  
  
"He knows," Kyou said shortly. With a rueful smile, he pulled his hands from Tohru's and turned back to the sink, picking up the clean plates and running the towel over them. "It happened because he was afraid. It's his fault. He was scared."  
  
"Scared of what?" she asked gently.  
  
Kyou didn't answer. He loved Tohru like a sister, but he wasn't ready to tell her everything. When he'd dried the last dish in the stack, he held out a hand for more, and she shook her head. "I can finish here. Thank you for the help. Why don't you go take a bath? I'll go after you, when I'm done."  
  
She was smiling, but he knew she wanted to think about what he'd said. Had it been wrong to tell her that? He didn't know. A bath sounded good, though.  
  
He hung the towel up and went upstairs, wondering what Tohru had planned. It wouldn't be like her to just sit back and watch them fight, not when she knew their history. She would try to bring them together again, and that was sad because it would never work. Kyou couldn't trust Yuki like that, and Yuki would never back down. He was too scared of Akito.  
  
Annoyed, he turned toward his room, then stopped suddenly, ears twitching. He'd heard something strange. Frowning, he moved slowly down the hall, listening hard. It wasn't Tohru – she was still downstairs, and he could hear the water running. No... this noise was coming from Yuki's room.  
  
He crept closer to the door, tilting his head towards it. He put a hand out and touched the door, his frown deepening. Without understanding why he did it, he slid the door open and peeked inside.  
  
A soft spill of moonlight bathed the room and its occupant in a silvery glow, illuminating the edges of the furniture and casting corners into shadow. Yuki's hair looked white, shining against the dark blue of his sheets. For a second, Kyou thought Yuki was awake, but something about the way he spoke and the way his body moved told Kyou the smaller boy was dreaming. His face was half-buried in the pillow he hugged to himself, and the light shone off his tear-streaked cheeks.  
  
"I'm sorry," he sobbed into the pillow. "I'm sorry, Kyou. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."  
  
Kyou staggered back as if someone had punched him in the stomach. He stood there, clutching the doorframe with white knuckles, so shocked at seeing something so intensely personal that he couldn't move. All this time. All this time, he'd thought Yuki hated him. He'd thought he'd been the only one hurt, that Yuki didn't care. He didn't know Yuki was suffering. How could he? "I didn't know," he whispered, and saying the words out loud was like magic. He let go of the doorframe and stepped into the room, going to Yuki's side.  
  
He knelt beside the bed and touched his cousin gently, one hand on Yuki's thin shoulder, the other pushing wet hair back from his face. "Shh... it's all right, Yuki," he said softly. "Go back to sleep."  
  
"I didn't want to," Yuki said brokenly, and Kyou had to fight not to take the rat into his arms.  
  
"I know," he murmured, his heart in his throat. "It's okay. Shh."  
  
He stayed beside his cousin, stroking the baby-fine hair and whispering soothing words until Yuki slowly relaxed. The tears slowed, then stopped, and the death-grip on the pillow eventually loosened. He waited until Yuki's breathing was deep and even, then stood carefully. He released the small shoulder, touched the head one final time, and turned to go.  
  
"Kyou," Yuki breathed behind him, and the cat froze. He looked over his shoulder, afraid, but the minutes passed, and there was no other noise. Then Yuki spoke again, a sleepy sussuration so soft that half of it would have been lost if anyone but Kyou had been listening. "I love you."  
  
A terrible wave of sadness washed over him, and Kyou smiled into the darkness. "I love you, too," he said, and left the room, shutting the door behind him. 


	4. Chapter 3

((AN: Hey! Sorry for the looong wait. I've been way busy with work an' family stuff. Gomen! But I appreciate y'all waiting, and I hope you like the new installment. Thanks for all the great encouragement, and special thanks to my first fan, bleedformeee, and my co-writer, Isa-chan!  
  
Oh, and I know in the manga Tohru gets exclusive use of the upstairs bathroom, but I changed that for the story. Bear with me! -))  
  
CHAPTER 3  
  
Yuki stretched, still half-asleep, and rolled over, throwing an arm over Kyou's side of the bed. Instinctively he knew the sun hadn't yet risen, and early morning was always a good time for snuggling. He made a little noise of disappointment when he noticed Kyou was missing, but he buried his face in the pillow anyway, contenting himself with inhaling Kyou's soap-spicy scent off the sheets –  
  
His eyes snapped open like a window shade, and Yuki jerked upright, staring down at the bedclothes. Kyou? The sheets smelled like KYOU??  
  
He scrambled back against the wall, hitting it with a dull thud, his chest tightening in a hot rush. Panic boiled through him, and he pushed the covers away from him as his eyes darted around the room. Oh, God... why did it smell like that? What was Kyou doing in his room?  
  
His gaze bounced over the dimly-lit walls, then the floor, the pre-dawn light making everything gray and washed-out. Nothing was out of place. There wasn't any other sign that his cousin had been in his room besides his lingering scent. He looked back at the sheets, noting somewhere in the back of his mind that he was close to hyperventilating, and forcibly slowed his breathing.  
  
"Calm down, idiot," he muttered to himself, feeling lightheaded. "Stop it. It was just a dream." Just a dream. Sure. It was completely plausible. This wasn't the first time he'd woken up thinking things were wrong, and it probably wouldn't be the last. Cautiously, he leaned forward and put his face to the mattress, drawing in a shallow breath.  
  
Kyou's scent was still there. It tightened things low in Yuki's body, bringing a surge of nostalgia that rolled over him in a crushing wave. He fell limply onto the bed, trying to gather the sheets closer to himself, pressing the cloth to his face. He couldn't admit how much he missed his cousin's warm presence, the reassuring weight of another body next to him at night, because if he did he couldn't move on. But right now, he didn't want to move on. He wanted to remember. Stupid cat, he thought. Stupid...  
  
He woke up a short time later, confused and headachey. He'd fallen back asleep and now his eyes burned, which meant he'd been crying again. Irritated, he rubbed at his face with his pajama sleeve, rolling off the bed and going to his door. This was getting out of hand. Just once he'd like to start the day without a headache. Four months of the same thing every morning was starting to wear on him.  
  
He opened the door quietly and checked the hallway. Satisfied it was empty, he crept to the bathroom and shut himself in, turning on the smallest stream of water possible. The house was silent, and he didn't want anyone to know he was awake. He wet a washcloth and leaned over the sink, holding the cool cloth against his face, and tried to sort out the mess in his head.  
  
So Kyou had been in his room. It was absurd, and completely suspicious, but he shouldn't have gotten all excited about it. There had to be a logical explanation. Most likely it was something silly, like Tohru asked him to get something for her.  
  
In the middle of the night? his brain asked sarcastically. The bed didn't smell like that when you went to sleep.  
  
Yuki sighed into the washcloth, pressing the coldness to his closed eyes. Fine. Maybe not that. But why then? What on earth would make Kyou come into Yuki's room while Yuki was asleep? To start a fight? They'd never fought in each other's rooms before – not enough space – but there was a first time for everything. They'd fought in every other room of the house; might as well fight in the bedroom. But if it had been to start something, why had Kyou left? Had Yuki beaten him without waking up? He'd been told he'd done that once before, but if he had, then why would Kyou try it again? And why bother getting that close to the bed without even waking Yuki up?  
  
He made a face and wrung out the cloth, tossing it into the laundry basket. This wasn't going to make sense any time soon, and he couldn't ask Kyou about it. He wouldn't know how, and part of him didn't want to find out. Luckily, it was the first day of school break. He could go back to sleep for a while and try not to think about it. Maybe things would be clearer later in the morning.  
  
He fit his hand in the groove of the shoji door and tugged. It slipped out of his grasp, slamming itself home with a startling bang, and he jumped.  
  
Kyou stood on the other side of the doorway, his hand on the door, wearing nothing but the pair of white gi pants he normally wore for his workout. He looked surprised, but the second he saw it was Yuki, his eyes narrowed and his nose wrinkled as though he'd smelled something bad. "What the hell are you doing up so early?"  
  
Yuki just stared. Confused thoughts tried to push their way past the dull pain in his head, too slow in coming. He knew he ought to say something rude back... but it was so hard to come up with something with Kyou standing half-naked right in front of him. The heat he'd felt back in his room rushed over him again, turning his cheeks bright pink. All of a sudden he had to get out of there, get away from Kyou before he did something stupid. His hand moved on its own, reaching toward Kyou's bare chest to shove his way past, but the taller boy thrust his arm across the doorway, blocking the opening. "Wait a sec."  
  
Yuki glared at him through his bangs, trying to keep his head down. "Move, jerk."  
  
"Shut up." Kyou shifted, peering at Yuki. "Your face is all red. Are you sick?"  
  
"No. Get out of the way."  
  
"Well, something's wrong if you're up right now."  
  
"What do you care? You're pissing me off."  
  
"Yeah? Whatcha gonna do about it?" Kyou leaned in, grinning, and Yuki finally tilted his head back so he could see his cousin's eyes. Kyou's couple of inches usually didn't matter, but this close it required an effort.  
  
"Just move your arm, ass, or I'll move it for you!"  
  
"You?" Kyou scoffed. "Not likely. You hit like a girl."  
  
Yuki's headache was getting worse, and he could feel his patience unraveling. He didn't want to fight, he just wanted to get back to his room before the curious cat got any more inquisitive. "I'm not in the mood for this. If you don't move by the count of three –"  
  
"Yeah, you're reeeal scary right now. Your eyes're all red."  
  
Damn it! This was taking too long! "ONE. TWO –"  
  
Kyou sneered. "You weren't crying again, were you?"  
  
Yuki stiffened, his eyes a shocked violet, his mouth hanging open. How did –  
  
Last night. Of course.  
  
Something flitted across Kyou's face, as if he was abruptly aware of what he'd said, but he glared at the smaller boy defiantly, daring Yuki to say something. Silence fell, oppressive, and the air in the bathroom grew heavy and awkward. The only sound was Yuki's breathing as he struggled to control himself. This was like one of his dreams, but he would not make a fool of himself by getting upset, not in front of Kyou. It was obvious now that Kyou had heard him last night, and had come into his room thinking the whole thing too good to miss. Fine entertainment, watching your cousin having nightmares so bad he cried. Kyou probably thought it was fucking hilarious.  
  
Embarrassment and anger flushed Yuki's skin a deeper pink, and suddenly all he could think about was escape. He put his hand back out, shoving Kyou's arm out of the way and forcing himself into the hall. His cousin stumbled back, swearing, grabbing at Yuki's arm as the rat tried to leave.  
  
"Damn it, Yuki, wait!" Yuki didn't turn around, and Kyou pulled on him, tightening his grip. "I didn't mean it like that –"  
  
"Let. Me. Go."  
  
"It wasn't what I –"  
  
Yuki's fragile control snapped. He yanked his arm, knowing Kyou wouldn't be fooled by the same trick he used himself, and used the resistance to whip his leg around, slamming his cousin squarely on the side of the head. Yuki's arm sprang free, and Kyou fell backward, crashing into the wall.  
  
Tohru's door flew open at the noise, spilling her into the hallway. Her hair was still in braids and her eyes were wide. She took a step forward as she pulled her robe shut, her face white. "Yuki-kun! Kyou-kun, what –"  
  
Yuki ignored her and stood over Kyou, his hands clenched into fists, practically vibrating with pent-up emotion. "I cried over you," he said hoarsely, his voice a little too high, "because I thought I'd done something wrong. You can't even imagine what it felt like to tell you I didn't want to see you, but I had to do it. I didn't have other way to protect you. I let Akito scare me into leaving you, and I hated myself more than I thought was possible. I thought I was the worst person in the world for it. But you know what? I'm not the worst person in the world. You are."  
  
"Yuki-kun, please, think about what you're saying!" Tohru came closer, reaching out toward him, but he scooted away from her, his breath coming too fast. She looked from him to Kyou, her forehead creased with worry, her fingers twisting each other. "Kyou-kun?"  
  
Kyou pushed himself up, opening his mouth in protest. "You don't understand --!"  
  
Nails dug into Yuki's palms, stinging, and his voice rose until he was almost shouting. "I understand perfectly! You made everything crystal clear! You said you loved me, but you don't even care what happens to me any more! I hate every day that I can't be with you, and you don't care! All you care about is showing that you're better than me, that you don't need me, that I'm in your way, and if I was dead then your whole life would just magically fall into place. If knowing you're better than me makes you happy, then this ought to make you damn ecstatic! I can't get over you, and you're months over me! Okay? Happy? Well, I've got two words for you --"  
  
Movement came from his right and he spun around, but he was too slow. Tohru's arms closed around him, hugging him to her, and he gasped as colored smoke exploded through the hallway, obscuring his vision. His pajamas dropped off him as he shrank, becoming smaller, and he fell onto something soft. Hands that smelled like vanilla closed over him, and everything went dark. 


	5. Chapter 4

((AN: This has been seriously revised. To those of you who read this before, you were very, very brave. I think you'll find things much improved. Please, feel free to leave me ANY sort of review you think is necessary. I'm tough, I can take it! - Thanks again, and enjoy!))  
  
CHAPTER 4  
  
"It was a minor attack. It happens sometimes if he gets weak or stressed."  
  
"Ah, I remember. He had a cold, last time."  
  
Yuki lay on his bed with his eyes closed, pretending to be asleep as he listened to the reassuring rhythm of his own breathing. It felt like he was never going to leave his room. The cold metal of a stethoscope slid over his ribs, rested over his heart, then disappeared. Hatori closed Yuki's pajama top and tugged the blankets back into place.  
  
"But he'll be okay, right?" Tohru asked. Yuki could see her in his mind's eye, innocent brown eyes huge in her heart-shaped face, her sleep-mussed braids lying on the shoulders of her pink robe. He could hear the worry in her voice, and guilt gnawed at him. It was his fault she was upset.  
  
"He'll be fine." Hatori answered. "He's got a low fever, but it's not serious. It should abate by this evening. He just needs to rest." The stiff lab coat rustled against the bed, catching the blanket a little, and Yuki heard Hatori's medical bag snap shut. "I have some medication to leave with you, just in case, but we can go over that downstairs. We should probably let him sleep."  
  
"H-hai..." Tohru hesitated, and Yuki could feel her leaning over his bed. "Yuki-kun, I'm going downstairs with Hatori-san, but I'll be back soon. Try to rest, okay?"  
  
He kept his eyes closed and didn't answer. If he'd been able give her a smile and tell her he was fine, he would have, but that would've been a lie. He was angry at himself and embarrassed that Tohru had had to stop his tirade like a mother restraining a two-year-old. She couldn't help but think less of him for it, and he couldn't face her knowing he'd disappointed her.  
  
There was a pause, then Hatori said gently, "Come," and two sets of footsteps left the room. The door shut with a soft tap, and Yuki was alone.  
  
His stomach ached suddenly, and he rolled over to face the wall, curling up into a ball. This was so humiliating. He hated being sick, hated showing any weakness. It was bad enough he'd done it in front of Tohru, but to lose it in front of Kyou...! Yuki had managed to keep his feelings inside for so long, and with one comment Kyou had shattered the careful barrier that kept them safe. He'd let Kyou see how hurt he was, a dangerous slip that could end up costing more than Yuki wanted to pay.  
  
He scrunched the pillow, frustrated. Why did the stupid cat have to keep tormenting him? Akito had forced them to live together, to constantly remind Yuki of what he couldn't have, but that didn't mean Kyou had to act so gung-ho about it. If he'd just try to forget, like Yuki did, things would be so much easier. "You're making things harder than they have to be. Why can't you just leave me alone??" he said aloud.  
  
"I wouldn't have to be here if you'd just carry an inhaler."  
  
Yuki's heart lurched and he sat bolt upright, startled, the blankets falling into his lap. Kyou stood in the doorway, obviously angry, a tray in his hands. He still had on the gi pants, but he'd thrown on a close-fitting red t-shirt. He kicked the door shut with a vicious jerk of his foot, then crossed the room, banging the tray down on the nightstand and almost spilling the cup of liquid on it.  
  
"This is yours. Tohru asked me to bring it to you while she talks to Hatori, so see? It's not my idea to be here. I have absolutely zero desire to be in your room."  
  
"Liar," Yuki said flatly.  
  
Kyou stared back unflinchingly. "Are you trying to start a fight while you're sick?"  
  
"If you don't want to be in my room," Yuki persisted, "then why were you here last night?"  
  
Kyou scowled. "Maybe I just wanted to kick your ass," he said nastily. The second the words were out his expression changed, and he grimaced. "Forget it. It doesn't matter. You'll believe what you want anyway." He leaned back on one leg, crossing his arms and looking pointedly at the steaming mug. "You look like shit, you know. Just drink your tea or whatever the hell that is and go to sleep. I don't beat up sick people."  
  
Yuki glared at him, but he picked up the cup. At least it smelled good, a sort of sweet lemon tea. He brought it to his lips and took a sip, watching over the rim of the glass as Kyou, satisfied Yuki was following instructions, went to the door. Yuki was so intent on making faces at his cousin that he wasn't paying attention, and he swallowed the wrong way. He managed to set the mug down, but he choked on the tea, coughing explosively into his cupped hands.  
  
He sensed more than saw Kyou stop in the doorway before his cousin asked tightly, "Are you okay?"  
  
Tears blurred Yuki's vision, and he nodded weakly, still coughing. "...fine." The hazy red blot that was Kyou's shirt didn't move, and Yuki blushed. If he ever stopped looking stupid in front of Kyou, it would be a miracle.  
  
The coughing tapered off, leaving his chest sore. He wiped his eyes with the back of one wrist, still embarrassed, and glanced over at Kyou. "I'm fine," he replied, more rudely than he'd intended. "Go."  
  
"Yeah." His cousin was poised to leave, his back to the rat, one hand on the half-open door, the other against the doorframe. The red fabric stretched taut across his shoulders, showing hard, flat planes of muscle as he shrugged angrily. "Don't wanna make things _hard_ for you."  
  
Yuki flushed. "I wasn't talking about you."  
  
"Really. And just who _were_ you talking about?"  
  
It was such an obvious lie that Yuki didn't try to continue. "Don't you have something to do?"  
  
Kyou stiffened. "I thought I did, but I guess I don't."  
  
"What?" Yuki asked, and just like that, understanding struck him like lightning from a clear sky. He was so blind. Kyou wasn't just angry; he was hurt. The events of the past hour shot through Yuki's head as though on fast-forward, showing every cruel response he'd given to someone who'd just been trying to help him. Someone who still tried, even though he got nothing in return.  
  
It was more than sad, it was pathetic. Shame curled through him, and disbelief. He'd given Kyou up to keep him safe, and ironically had wounded him just as badly as Akito would have – maybe worse. If he hadn't been so busy trying to deny his own feelings, maybe he would have noticed the damage he was doing.  
  
His heart twisted as the full weight of what he'd done settled over him, and he yearned for a way to make things right, to smooth the injury from Kyou's shoulders and wipe the angry look from his face. He wanted, no, _needed_ to be close to Kyou.  
  
"My poor neko..." He pushed the covers back before he knew what he was doing, swinging a leg over the edge of the bed. His foot touched the wooden floor with a small slap, and Kyou turned slightly, looking back over his shoulder, furious.  
  
Yuki stopped, pinned by Kyou's gaze as the light peeking through the blinds caught the taller boy perfectly. His copper hair turned into shimmery flame, and his eyes glinted red and pupiless, like a cat's at night. He was stunning in his anger, beautiful and untouchable, and Yuki put a hand against the mattress, dazed.  
  
"Are you trying to make fun of me?"  
  
It wasn't until Kyou spoke that Yuki realized he was staring. He came back to himself abruptly, clearing his throat and tearing his eyes from his cousin. "No," he said roughly. His hands were fists, pressing against the cuts his nails had made before. He'd forgotten just how handsome Kyou was. It was a shock to be forcibly reminded that no matter what had happened between them, his cousin could still have an effect on him.  
  
The door scraped, and Yuki's head snapped up, his eyes going to the source of the sound. "Kyou..."  
  
The cat stopped again, impatient, but didn't look back. "What?"  
  
"Ah..." Words suddenly failed him, and Kyou shook his head without turning around. Yuki's heart sank. He stared at Kyou's back, trying desperately to say something that would erase four months of pain. "I..."  
  
I love you. Just say it. I love you...  
  
"_What_, Yuki?"  
  
Yuki huddled back against the bed, miserable, his knees trembling. He was so close, but he couldn't do it. It was too much, too soon. "I'm sorry," he finally whispered, and even as he said it he knew it wasn't enough.  
  
"Sorry for what?" Kyou asked, still facing the hallway. "Sorry for breaking up with me four months ago? Sorry for pretending we never existed? Or sorry for screaming at me and scaring Tohru half out of her wits?"  
  
"For all of it." Please forgive me, Kyou-kun. I can't stand it anymore. "Everything."  
  
"I see." Kyou's hand slid off the doorway. "I think you'd better get some sleep. We'll talk later."  
  
Yuki didn't know what to say, but it didn't matter. Kyou stepped out of the room and slid the door shut behind him. His footsteps followed the path of Tohru's and Hatori's down the stairs, and a few minutes later Yuki could hear the three of them chatting.  
  
His legs gave out and he fell to the floor, shaking. Tears fell straight down, plopping heavily onto the floor and the backs of his hands. Kyou had said they would talk. It was a small hope, but he clung to it, wondering if he was crazy to still be thinking about Kyou this way. If Akito found out...  
  
It was a while before Yuki could move, and when he did, he climbed back onto the bed and lay down, touching the place where Kyou's scent was. Resolutely he shut his eyes, relying on his body's need for rest to overcome his flustered thoughts. Eventually, he fell asleep, and he didn't dream at all.  
  
((Damn, Yuki sleeps a lot! Well, he's been sick, cut him some slack. Anyhoo, next chapter's the last, so keep a weather eye open, and hope that our star-crossed lovebirds can work things out!)) 


	6. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5  
  
Kyou sat on the roof, watching as the sun slipped beneath the horizon. Already the sky was deepening to purple and the air was cooling off, the sweet scents of night-blooming flowers wafting upward. It was a nice change from wandering around in the heat. Since leaving Yuki's room, he hadn't stayed in the house longer than it took to change into street clothes. He'd been gone the whole day, finally coming home only a few minutes ago and going straight to the roof. He couldn't sleep on the street, and he wasn't ready to talk, so he was just going to have to wait until they all went to bed to sneak in.  
  
The window in the dining area was open directly below him. He could hear Tohru and Shigure talking around the table (so the dog was back), and Yuki, too, occasionally, although only in answer to someone else's question. Faint whiffs of teriyaki chicken and rice confused the flower scent, and Kyou's stomach growled.  
  
"Gochisousama, Honda-san." Yuki's voice echoed clearly across the yard, followed by something unintelligible from Shigure. Dishes clinked in the sink a few moments later, and the only sounds after were water running and Tohru's humming as she began to clean up.  
  
Kyou shook his head, lowering it onto his knees and wrapping his arms around his legs. He was up on the roof, starving, and he wouldn't let himself go into the kitchen because if he did, he wouldn't stop at the kitchen. He'd go straight through to Yuki's room, and find the damn rat, and –  
  
"I thought you might be up here."  
  
Kyou tensed, a shock of surprise going through his whole body. Shit. He must be getting old. He hadn't even considered the possibility that Yuki might actually come up here. "Shouldn't you be resting?" he asked rudely, his voice muffled against the knees of his cargo pants.  
  
"I'm fine." Footsteps scraped against the shingles. "You weren't at dinner."  
  
"Very perceptive. Leave me alone." He felt bad for even saying it, especially in light of what had happened, but he didn't trust himself to talk things out yet. He wasn't ready.  
  
The footsteps moved again, and a warm presence settled itself next to Kyou's side. "I meant what I said this morning."  
  
Goosebumps broke out along Kyou's skin. Yuki was too close. And he just kept talking...! "I thought I said we'd talk later."  
  
"It's later now."  
  
Kyou turned his head just enough so that he could use one eye to see his cousin. Yuki looked strange, and very pretty. The moonlight always brought out the best of Yuki's features, lending his smooth complexion a porcelain glow, and turning his clear violet eyes a dark purple. The rat thought it was a feminine look, and he hated it, but Kyou didn't see it that way. To him, Yuki was delicately beautiful, but definitely male. There was just something about the set of his shoulders, the line of his chest...  
  
"What? Do I have something on my face?"  
  
Kyou turned red and shoved his face back into his knees, smacking his nose. "Damn it!" He sat up, rubbing his injured nose and glaring out at the dark landscape.  
  
"You all right?" Yuki asked, extending a cautious hand.  
  
Kyou suddenly turned the full force of his gaze on his cousin, scowling. "Look, you said you were sorry, and I believe you, okay? What else do you want?"  
  
Yuki seemed to wilt a little. He brought his hand back to his lap before it could touch Kyou. "I... I thought maybe... I'm sorry."  
  
"You thought that since you apologized, everything would be fine, is that it? That we could just go back to before all this happened?" He waited, and Yuki nodded slowly, his hair sliding forward and hiding his face behind silver-tinged bangs. Kyou's expression hardened, and he turned back to look out over the yard. "Well, we can't. You did what you did, and even if you apologize, there's no taking it back. You screwed everything up. You can't just ask me to trust you again, understand?"  
  
The warmth from Yuki's body slowly shrank away from Kyou, and the cool night breeze seemed colder where the rat's touch had been. "I understand," Yuki whispered. He crossed his arms and tucked them in against his chest, curling up. Kyou got angrier just watching it and looked away, but it was anger at himself. Yuki was at least trying. He didn't deserve to have Kyou snap at him, not for that.  
  
He exhaled slowly, pushing his fingers through his hair, and tried to be adult. "It's just... how do I know you won't do it again?"  
  
"I won't let him scare me again, if that helps," the rat said quietly.  
  
Kyou stared into the darkness, feeling the safe wall of hating Yuki for what he'd done begin to thin. It had always had a fault in it, and it wasn't complete, but it had been strong enough to last four months. But he could push through it now, if he wanted. He could have Yuki back if he could just breach that wall...  
  
He gathered his feet under him and stood, looking toward the balcony they all used when they went to the roof. Yuki didn't move.  
  
"C'mon. We're going inside. Tohru'll kill me if you get sick again."  
  
"Honda-san," Yuki murmured without rising. "She told me to talk to you."  
  
"And she told me to talk to you. She's kind of nosy."  
  
"She cares about us."  
  
Kyou stared down at Yuki's back, and suddenly he couldn't stay aloof, couldn't pretend he didn't care anymore. For God's sake, was Tohru willing to work harder on this than they were? She'd tried her best to get them to this point, but she couldn't help anymore. There could be no relationship if they relied on Tohru for everything. It was up to them to help themselves.  
  
He dropped into a crouch next to Yuki, grabbing the other's arm. "Did you mean it?" Kyou demanded, quietly intense. "You have to tell me the truth. Did you really mean it? Are you really sorry?"  
  
Yuki jumped, his purple eyes reflecting the moonlight. "Yes."  
  
"Why didn't you just tell me what you were doing? Why did you do that to me? To us?"  
  
"I don't know. I told you, I was scared. He... he was watching us that day. He knew."  
  
"He saw us?" Kyou stared back at the smaller boy, but his mind flew back to that day, replaying it as he had millions of times before. He hadn't been facing the house, and Yuki had. The rat had seen, and hadn't said anything. "You said you did it because you wanted to protect me."  
  
Yuki's shoulders tightened, but he stayed still. "Yes."  
  
"Because you were scared of Akito."  
  
"Because I was scared of what he would do."  
  
"To you."  
  
"No. To you."  
  
"Because –"Kyou stopped, blinking. "Because... of what he would do to you if he found out about me?"  
  
Yuki laughed once and looked away, frustrated. "You're so dense. He's already hurt me. What do I care? I did it because he would've hurt you, Kyou. He would've locked you up, or killed you, or a zillion other things that I can't even stand to think about. Don't you get it? I can't let anyone else hurt you. If he had done something to you because of me, I couldn't bear it. I would've killed myself."  
  
"Don't say things like that!"  
  
"But I would have!" Yuki jerked out of Kyou's grip, pushing to his feet. "I didn't like what I did, but I didn't see any other way to keep you safe. I had to protect you, you're proving that just by not understanding!"  
  
"You don't have to protect me, stupid!" Kyou snapped, standing up as well . "I can take care of myself! It's you who needs protecting! You're Akito's favorite toy, not me!" Yuki's eyes widened, and Kyou ground his teeth. He'd done it again! And now, of all times! "I mean –"  
  
"You're right."  
  
"—I shouldn't have – what?"  
  
"You're right." Yuki was tense, his voice suddenly low, and he was hugging himself as he looked over the edge of the roof. "Akito won't stop wanting me. I don't know what he sees in me, but he won't let it go. I'd have to be stupid to expect anyone to put up with that."  
  
Kyou paused, gathering his own nerve, trying to move around the sharp pain in Yuki's voice. "Is that what you dreamed about last night? Akito?"  
  
"...no. Is that why you were in my room?"  
  
"You were having a nightmare. I wasn't spying on you, I just heard it."  
  
"And you were nosy, of course."  
  
"No!" Kyou protested before he realized Yuki was teasing, but the second he heard it the tightness inside him unwound just a little. "No. I just thought that I couldn't let you ... stay like that."  
  
"I know. You're too good a person. Everyone knows that." Yuki paused, and he added softly, hesitantly, "I could smell you on the sheets when I woke up."  
  
"Oh?" Kyou's skin went hot as he blushed, and he was glad Yuki wasn't facing him. "Is that a good thing?"  
  
"I wanted you so much..." Yuki sighed, and his voice took on a faraway tone. "I heard somewhere that love isn't enough sometimes. Have you heard that?"  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"Do you think that's true? That love can't always be enough?"  
  
"Maybe... but Yuki—"  
  
"You're right again. About love. You were probably right the first time, too. Maybe we shouldn't have tried to hide it. Us. But that just proves it won't ever work, doesn't it? We can't be together, no matter what we do."  
  
"Yuki..." The other sounded so sad, and Kyou felt the last of the wall crumble from around his heart. He reached out, pulling his cousin backwards and wrapping his arms around Yuki's slender form. He turned his face into Yuki's hair, inhaling softly, his eyes drifting closed. His cousin had grown, they both had, but he still fit perfectly against Kyou's body, like he was made to be there. "I hate to tell you this, but you're wrong again."  
  
"Wrong?" Yuki asked, and Kyou could feel Yuki's heartbeat through his back as it sped up, strong against his own chest.  
  
"You were trying to protect me, and I didn't realize it. That was my mistake. I thought I could live without you, and that was my mistake, too." The cat lowered his head until he was almost touching Yuki's ear. It had been a long time since they'd been this close, and suddenly nothing seemed more important than being here, now, and sealing every gap that existed between them. "But I won't make a mistake like that again. You mean more to me than anything on earth, and I'll never let you go."  
  
Yuki's voice was weak, breathy. He brought a hand up, clutching Kyou's arm. "Kyou..."  
  
"I love you, Yuki. I love you so much it hurts. If you love me, it will be enough. More than enough."  
  
"And if Akito hurts you because we're together, because I love you so much I couldn't tell you no, what am I supposed to do?" Yuki whispered.  
  
Kyou's breath brushed Yuki's ear, warm and sweet. "Let me worry about that." And he turned Yuki in his arms and closed his lips over his cousin's, kissing Yuki gently, savoring the taste he'd never forgotten. Yuki made a feeble noise, sagging in Kyou's arms, and Kyou tightened his grip, supporting the smaller boy as the kiss deepened and they drank from each other, each one holding the other's life in his kiss. It was thick with love, sweet with forgiveness, and only faintly bitter with known danger, but they clung to each other even after the kiss had ended, the memory lingering on their bruised lips. Kyou held Yuki close, and his cousin buried his face buried in Kyou's neck, shuddering.  
  
"Shh, Yun-chan, it's okay now," Kyou said, stroking Yuki's back.  
  
Yuki nodded without lifting his head and hugged Kyou tighter. "I know. I just ..."  
  
"Don't want to let go?" His cousin nodded again and Kyou smiled, reluctantly pulling his arms back and taking Yuki's hand. "We have plenty of time to catch up. I should take you inside." He turned toward the balcony again, then stopped, glancing back, worried. "Oh... d'you think Shigure and Tohru will be able to tell? That we've made up?"  
  
"I don't know," Yuki said. He pursed his lips, then pulled at Kyou's hand, smiling mischievously. "Let's go tell them."  
  
THE END 


End file.
